


Saviour

by Akaiba



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, spoilers for the end of da2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 01:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2832668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaiba/pseuds/Akaiba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fill for "Fenders - Saviour"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saviour

"He wants to die." Anders' eyes closed and its perhaps the softest condemnation he could have expected from the elf as he hears each of Hawke's companion's opinions. They aren't his friends, not any more, by his own hand he has sealed his fate and in doing so he knows he has lost what friendships he had in their little rag tag group. Not that he would have called Fenris a friend, so it is perhaps the strangest that his words seem odd. He seems as though it is not that he thinks Anders should die, only that he wants to and that is shameful. 

Anders thinks that out of all of this, his willingness to die is not the shameful part. However, if he looks too hard at the burning ruin and counts the dead chantry sisters, he might lose all conviction at all. 

He looks up at Hawke and keeps the calm acceptance Justice has gifted him with; this is good, this is purpose. He looks at the sharp little blade clasped in Hawke's palm and he doesn't look away. His sacrifice will free millions. He will lead mages into freedom and his death will be the first domino. 

Hawke steps behind him and Anders feels one gauntleted hand grasp his shoulder. The touch is softer than he expected, more a firm grasp like Hawke had once done when shaking Anders shoulders and asking if he was alright. Anders doesn't deserve that touch; he has lied and deceived, betrayed his closest friend, and it is by Anders hand that Hawke now stands behind him with a dagger poised to take his life. His eyes close and he thinks he will greet death calmly but instead he opems his eyes and looks at those he once called friends. 

Merril has her hands over her mouth, her large watery eyes flicking from Hawke to Anders and Anders isn't sure she's breathing. Varric hasn't the mind to remind her as he runs a hand over his face and through his hair, shifting from foot to foot like he might intervene but isn't sure he should. There's a lot of death and more yet to come; all of it on Anders' hands. A good story teller knows that, and what better plot device than the fallen matyr? Isabela is in similar confliction and she can't meet his eyes. He knows what he'd see if she did, and he'd deserve it. Blame. He almost wants to see it but there's enough of it on Sebastian's face to make up for it. When his gaze meets Sebastian's, the hate is also evident. What Anders has done is irredeemable and nothing will sate his grief and loss but Anders blood running red on the chantry steps, no matter the longer effects Ander can see so clearly. Sebastian will willingly make him the martyr. Aveline is grim-faced but steadfast when she meets Anders gaze. She wants to help the people that Anders has throwm into all out war, but there is a softness there that looks like goodbye. 

Fenris is stock still. Not calm, not distressed- frozen. His breath hitches when Anders meets his gaze and he looks away. Anders wonders how many times Fenris was forced to stand by and watch his master execute slaves. He wonders whether Fenris sees this as the slaves executing the master- because while Anders is barely master of himself let alone others, he is a symbol of everything Fenris hates. He had accepted satisfaction on Fenris' face when this came. How strange that what he sees is... not that. 

Anders can't put a name to it and he doesn't have the time. Hawke squeezes his shoulder again and that is goodbye, Anders knows. He looks away from Fenris and keeps his face forward, no righteousness in him now as he instead waits. 

"Stop!" The snarled bark comes as a shock to everyone, the reverent stillness shattered as suddenly Anders is looking up at Fenris stood over him as Hawke is at his back. He is glowing, blue-white light swirled into his skin as he snarls at Hawke. 

Hawke blinks, her hand faltering. A beat of silence follows Fenris' outburst and then Hawke blinks, her hand releasing Anders' shoulder. It feels like relief and Anders' wonders how it can feel like that when he was so ready to die a momeny ago. 

"Fenris?" She asks, confused, and Anders can hear in her voice all the grief and mourning she had been hiding. Her voice cracks and wavers; uncertain and sad for a woman who fought the Arishok. It doesn't suit her, Anders thinks. 

"Do not kill him." Fenris spits out. He's still glowing, Anders can hear the lyrium singing. 

"You said-"

"I said that he wants to die: not that we should kill him." 

Sebastian lunged forwards and Anders can see all the hatred overtaken be confusion and the beginnings of betrayal. How strange that Anders is the only one whobseems to want to give him the retribution he craves. "Fenris, you can't mean that! Look at what he has done to the chantry! Thousands are dead- soon more- all on his head! The maker demands justice!"

The irony is not lost on Anders and he would laugh but with the smoking crater at his back and the dead hanging over him, he isn't sure he can. 

"Justice." Fenris scoffs, as though the word tastes foul on his tongue. "The maker demands nothing. You demand vengeance, just as he demanded vengeance for mages. Are you all so blind?!" Fenris is glowing harder still and were it possible, Anders would be worried he might explode as well. Then again, no one knows the extent of what Fenris can do- not even himself. "What punishment is this?! Make him martyr, let them flock to his cause as they flock to yours- go to war and tear Thedas apart, the Maker still will not care!"

Sebastian makes the mistake of reaching for Fenris' arm and the elf snaps. That the prince walks away with his heart is a miracle but he doesn't so much blink before Fenris has knocked one of his knees out from under him and Sebastian is kneeling, not touching him. 

"Fenris... what are you suggesting?" Hawke asks slowly, and Anders does not need to see her to know that dagger is no longer poised over him. 

"Let him live. Let him see what his 'justice' has wrought. Let him count every death that stains his hands." Fenris looks at Anders, for the first time since he looked away, and what he sees surprises him though he thinks perhaps it shouldn't. There is no forgiveness, no soft desire to save Anders, there is only blame and determination. 

Anders struggles to remember a different look in them. Instead, he remembers one stolen, forgotten moment in the alleys of Lowtown. He remembers the wine on Fenris tongue being the first taste of it he's had in years, the warm body under his hands the first touch he'd felt in longer. He remembers Fenris kissed like he fought; all or nothing. The technique was different though, namely less masterful. Anders hadn't cared, and he'd been the sober one. 

Fenris had been heavier than he looked and still Anders had lifted him, pushed him against a wall and held him their as they kissed as viciously as their arguments went. 

When they had broken for air, Anders had set Fenris down and walked away with a mumbled apology- there had been no mistaken the moment of sober clarity that seized Fenris mid-kiss. His breath hitched and he had pulled away, refusing to meet Anders' gaze and truly the mage thought he would be murdered. He hadn't meant to accost Fenris, and it had been his fault, but even drunk the elf had been so snappy and cutting in his remarks that even the short walk from the Hanged Man's door before they headed in different directions was too much for them to remain civil. 

Really, kissing Fenris had been the least destructive option. 

"Let him fix what he has done." Fenris adds, voice low, and his brands dim as his anger dims. 

Hawke is still behind him and Anders almost speaks him, he almost thanks Fenris for the idea but really his death is the only option, when Hawke speaks instead. 

"Alright. He can put right the mess he has started." Hawke says, voice still grim but set now. 

Anders turns then, finally looking at her. He's wide-eyed and stunned, the gaze she levels him with promising retribution for his having nearly made her put down a friend. But she is relieved, he can see it. The dagger is gone and she looks worn down by the world around her, no less determined to fight this day, but glad to not have to start with Anders death. 

Sebastian staggers to his feet and Anders wishes he could empathise with the pain and grief he sees there. He can in a sense, but Sebastian has no empathy for the suffering of mages and that makes it difficult for Anders to care for the prince at all. "Hawke, you can't be serious! Look at what he has done!"

Hawke glares hard at him. "He lives."

Sebastian, when he realises he cannot sway her, turns instead to Anders. "You live. For now. Mark me, Anders, I will go to Starkhaven, I will raise an army, I will hunt you til the end of your days and I will kill you for what you have done this day." 

Anders nods. "I know."

His calm acceptance is like a spark to tinder and Sebastian launches himself at Anders only to be caught around his collar by Fenris and hurled onto his back, away from Anders. 

"You have picked the wrong side, friend." Sebastian curses as he rises. 

"I do not think that I have, friend." Fenris says softly, his words backed by the companions that move to stand at his side; Varric, Isabela, Merril, Aveline and Bethany stepping in and between Sebastian and Anders. 

Sebastian points at Anders and even if Fenris blocks the prince's view Anders can hear him. "I will come for you, Anders! Don't you ever sleep easy, remember I will be hunting you!" 

Sebastian leaves and Anders feels no relief for it as their little group turns inwards and Aveline rests a hand on Hawke's shoulders in comfort. She did not execute a friend, but she did just lose one. Anders is almost bowled over when Isabela hugs him, Varric's slap on his lower back keeping him upright. 

"You are an idiot, sparkle-fingers." Isabela snaps, and Anders pretends he doesn't see what definitely are not tears in her eyes. "When this is over, I am going to shout and scream at you for days." 

"What Rivani said. You are a damned fool." Varric drags a hand over his face and Anders can't say anything. He isn't sure this is real. 

Merril clasps her hands over her chest and gives Anders a smile, "I'm so glad you're okay." 

Anders is released and he turns to Fenris, like he hasn't ever seen the elf before. There aren't words for the shock he feels, for the surprise and the... gratitude. He had been ready to die becuase there had been no other way. He had done an awful thing because of awful things and all the reasons paled now in light of what he had done, all he knew was that he wasn't dead and Fenris saved him. "Thank you for my life." He breathes.

"It is a mistake." Fenris spits. "I am not your saviour..." Anders nods, he can remember clearly that look of horror and he is surprised that Fenris had looked more conflicted and stricken when Anders had kissed him. "... but i will not abandon you."

"I'll... I'll try not to make such a mess of my life this time." Anders says faltering. 

"I will make sure of it." Fenris glares, arms folding across his chest as he stares up at the mage. 

"You will?" 

"Yes." When Anders face lights up Fenris glares harder. "Stop that. You have still started war, you've still killed all those people." Anders face falls and he nods, his shoulder slumping and it's no use regretting it now but he will. He will regret it forever. "And when you have fixed this mess... we'll talk about the mess to be made of the next."

If Anders couldn't handle the emotional whiplash of Fenris usually, it is nothing compared to the snatched hope then returned that they might... that there's a chance...

"I think I'm looking forward to that mess."

Fenris growls and grabs Anders staff, shoving it into his hands and shoving him around, to where there are fires starting and screams. "Fix this one first." 

Anders face sets and he nods, Hawke giving him a grim smile and Anders knows this isn't forgiveness. His friends stand by him but they would never condone or agree. Sebastian will hunt him, of that he has no doubt, and Hawke will be torn down for her association to Anders. Every one of them will carry what Anders has done because they knew him and the didn't stop him. And because they let him live. Fenris most of all because he demanded it. 

Fenris is not his saviour but it feels like a second chance and Anders can live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: akaiba.tumblr.com


End file.
